May 19, 2010

Getting the point across

Posted in Communicating, Keeping the balance, Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 8:04 pm by purelypoetry

Communication is the cornerstone of all relationships. I don’t even mean verbal communication. There are plenty of ways to get the point across without using words. That is why we sometimes see couples that seem to be so in love, despite a language barrier. It’s ok if verbalizing isn’t your strong point. If you can’t seem to say the right thing, that’s ok, as long as you still manage to get your point across. What point are we trying to make? How much you care for the other person. Verbally or non-verbally you are always communicating this to your partner and the message is either bad or good. This is why we have relationships, because we want to be valued. We want to have fun and socialize as well, but we only want the people close to us who value us. When there is a mutual sense of value, there is harmony. Tip the scale….throw off that balance and there are now problems to address. There are many ways to make your point to someone you like, or love. The five love languages are a good basic example. Quality time, Physical touch, Word of admiration, Gifts and Acts of service. If you dont have time, use your words….If your not good with words, use your time. If your not good with either of those, use gifts. No luck yet? Use acts of service, even if it means you paid someone else to do it. There are literally millions of ways to achieve the same goal. When you truly care, it seeps out of you. Through your tone of voice, your choice of words, the look in your eye, the way you caress, the time or money you spent. We don’t do nice things for people we don’t like. We do really nice things for people we really like. Have you ever had a little feeling that someone liked you, but it was tough to point out why you had that impression? When you admire, love, adore and cherish someone, it shows. There is no hiding it.  At least that is the woman’s point of view. The basis is thought. We think about and put effort into those things that we value the most. We all know how it feels to love someone and think about them all the time (hopefully;). If you are doing something, you must have put thought into it first, and that means something. One way or another, get your point across. It doesn’t have to be difficult, but it does take thought. For instance, I once knew a simple man. Even though he did not have much to offer the world, he was adored by anyone he came into contact with. He had a way of communicating and he was always very conscientious when he was speaking to others.  He would catch onto how they were feeling about the conversation and  he would respond in a way that was so delicate to their specific need in that moment. Even if he could not give you what you were looking for, he would explain it in such a way, so that you would know that it was not because he didn’t care. There was nothing particularly dazzling about this man, except for his communication skills, although he could barely speak English. But because he had mastered the art of “getting the point across”,  everyone loved him.

April 27, 2010

The “My goof, your gain” rule

Posted in Communicating, Keeping the balance, Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 7:42 pm by purelypoetry

Try as we might, to be perfect in every way, we sometimes slip up. Accidents happen, but they most often cause damage. Sometimes all that is needed to correct your mistake is an acknowledgment of the slip-up, followed by an apology. Sometimes, much more is needed. Have you ever felt like you hurt someone you love and you really want to make it up to them? Or perhaps you had a slip-up with a friend or an acquaintance? A surefire way to find yourself in their favor once more, despite your flaws is by using the  “My goof, your gain” rule. This means that when you slip-up, you make up for it in such a way  that you make the receiver happy that you slipped in the first place. You make up for it  by doing something positive that is much bigger than the negative action which you are making up for.  Let me give you an example of how this works. Let’s say that I have a friend, who had a beautiful crystal vase that she kept in her office. Everyone who walked in her office loved to admire her vase, as did she. One day, I walked into her office with a pep in my step out of excitement to give her some good news, and somehow managed to trip and knock over her precious vase.  A million little pieces of glass were everywhere and I can’t even describe the expression on her face, or how terrible I felt in that moment. It was an accident, but still, I knew I had to do something  and sorry wasn’t enough. I had helped her try to mend all the pieces back together, and indeed, it looked quite good given its condition, but still not enough. One day soon after the incident, I had a dozen roses sent to her in a crystal vase that was much more expensive than the one I had broken originally. She was so delighted to have received such a nice gift and she could not deny that the new vase was even nicer than the one before it. Needless to say, she proudly showcases the new vase in place of the old one.

So here is the problem solver of the day. I do not think it is such a difficult thing to grasp, you just might need to dust off your old thinking cap and put it to good use. But I think you will find that this rule works like a charm.

I discovered this little trick thanks to a book I read:

HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE
92 little tricks for big success in relationships, By Leil Loundes

March 31, 2010

The pain of nothing

Posted in poetry, Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 7:13 pm by purelypoetry

All the things you never do

All the things you never say

The nothings that you do are the strikes that cause my pain.

Do you know how it makes me feel

when I look into your eyes

looking for a little hint

that you share my grief inside?

Hoping you’ll just tell me

that you miss me dearly too

like the rainbows miss the rain

like the night misses the moon.

And what a tragedy it is

that we cant be side by side

but that you dream of our next visit

when you can kiss and hold me tight.

But it never comes and it makes me wonder

is it even there?

I don’t know it all

but I just don’t see

the love you say is there.

March 3, 2010

What do your actions say?

Posted in is it love?, Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 6:40 pm by purelypoetry

It’s funny, how we can be in many relationships and act differently from one to the other. The difference is how strongly you feel about a person. I began to realize that the best way for me to tell how I really felt about someone was by looking at my actions. I could think all I wanted, but my actions would always bring me right back to reality. I didn’t know at first, why I was doing things differently. Why he didn’t make me want to go the extra mile and why I was ok with it. I was not as quick to live beyond reproach. Trustworthy all the while, but still lacked the will to let go of little things that didn’t settle well with my mate. Things that I never would have let weigh on the conscience of someone I loved. All the little ways that I had gone the extra mile in the past, for some reason didn’t matter anymore. Now, what was acceptable to him was acceptable to me. No longer did I strive to reach beyond his expectation. Surprise him with my ability to be sweet, nurturing and consistent. I began to see that when I was really in love, I was willing to do so much more, and when I wasn’t, I could come up with plenty of logic to explain it away. when I was willing to do anything for my partner, I knew it was love. Reading books on relationships to help me keep mine healthy. Not skimping on anything. Weather I made dinner or was simply applying my makeup, it was all for him and it was done to the best of my ability. Tired was not an excuse. There were no excuses because I wanted so much for us to be happy, and when you want something that much, you just do it. For love, we will do anything.  The trouble it takes just makes it all more gratifying when you can take credit for the happiness of the one you love.  When you really go out of your way for someone, that is love.  After that experience, I now know, that when my mate is not willing to go out of his way for me, he is not truly in it.  So I now realize, that when we are in love, we act like it. Because we cannot help ourselves. Because we thrive on the happiness of the one we love and because we want to keep them in our presence. This is of course, in a healthy, balanced relationship. Severe imbalance throws everything off because we cannot go on the way we used to in the presence of hurt or fear of hurt.

This theory only goes so far, everyone has their deal breakers, I’m not talking about being a doormat in the name of love. I am talking about the little things we do in the game of love.

I cannot speak for everyone, but this is my experience, so perhaps looking at what you are willing to do for your mate will tell you a little more than you already knew. And if your mate is seemingly ambiguous, look at what they are willing to do for you.