April 6, 2011
Sacred
I don’t need you….
…..or you…….
……..or you, to complete me, that’s insane.
There’s too much to be done, too much to be won,
so much fun to have, I can’t be held back.
So sorry to say, but your efforts are in vain.
You can stick around for now, if you can handle the fact…
No matter what you do, no matter how you try,
make it your life’s purpose, but you won’t win this fight.
I can’t be caught
I can’t be bought
I can’t be swept away….
There’s only now, there’s only fun.
My heart is sacred, that won’t change.
Free from love, free from pain,
Always coveted, never slain.
March 23, 2011
Just a memory
I remember when you wanted me,
when you looked at me with those attentive eyes.
The eyes of someone who was looking at a great work of art.
Studying it closely, using all his senses,
to appreciate its beauty.
With eyes of such adoration and wonderment.
I felt it, like a ray of light.
Each move you made, planned with such care.
Because to offend me, you wouldn’t dare.
Simply hypnotized by this work of art,
none could deny how drawn that you were.
Each touch so gentle, each caress to light.
You wanted nothing more, than that moment with me.
the desire, the sweat, the care in each step,
and then….
I am not sure what happens after this….
I haven’t changed, but there must be something I missed.
Something is gone, something is wrong.
You don’t see me the same, infact…
You don’t see me at all.
You walk by, you say “Hi”
You even smile at me.
But you don’t try anymore to satisfy me.
You offer the moon, but you give me your scraps.
You do what you want, and then it’s a wrap.
I no longer drive you I no longer move you.
You’re surely not the one who begged me to be yours.
The one who gave me the sky and the sun.
Because I was your precious and perfect one.
the one who whispered promises in my ear every night.
The care you once had has been gone for some time,
and so is the glimmer you had in your eye.
You don’t care if I’m happy,
so you don’t bring me joy.
I can’t seem to move you,
I’m just an old toy.
A trophy on the wall.
If it wasn’t for the public, you’d forget I’m there at all.
Even trophies tarnish, with little or no care,
But you shine it up just in time.
I am not a trophy, sitting in your room.
I remember yesterday, I remember you.
I remember what you did, I remember what you said.
I remember what I wished, I remember how I begged.
I remember the neglect, I remember all your words.
You can’t just shine me up in time for your friends.
You can’t steal a bird and return an egg.
You used to know all the right moves, but now you act like you haven’t a clue.
I don’t know what happened, but I know this for sure…
It’s not up to me, I can’t even the score.
March 22, 2011
The “Dreamer”
I am sure that by now it would be obvious that I am a dreamer. Yes I am. I think big…HUGE! I want it all. I allow myself to want. I allow myself to desire, even if the things I desire seem impossible or even ridiculous. I will never tell myself that something I want is unattainable. Partially because I am a believer in the law of attraction, but also, just think about it. We are here, living life. Some of us do big things, some of us don’t. Some of us see ourselves as ordinary, and so ordinary is what we are. Some of us see ourselves as so much more. Some of us allow the desire and passion inside ourselves to be unleashed. Those people do big things. What is the real difference between millionaires, movie stars and the rest of us? We are all people. What is the difference between you and me and Oprah? There is no real difference except the thoughts inside our heads and the limitations we set for ourselves. Some people allow themselves to want, to dream and to believe in themselves. Some people refuse to accept the widespread myth that all you can do with this magnificent gift of life is to simply be ordinary and work day in and day out to simply get by in a life which is full of obligations and unfulfillment. I don’t know how anyone can believe that our purpose in this life is to be limited. Look around you, we are not limited. The limitation comes when you define the people who think big as, “dreamers”. The limitation comes when you say “Oh that would never happen to me.” “Oh, I could never do that!” Think about how many times you have told yourself you would not succeed at something. That you are not good enough. That you are not like those other people who are beautiful and rich and smart, successful and happy. Or you call it luck. You say good things happen by mistake, that it is simply luck. It is not luck. We make our own luck by believing that there is so much more to be had and by believing that we can have it. Everyone who has ever had big success started out the same. As a “dreamer”. They believed and so they pushed and they pushed and they leaped out for what they wanted until they got it. That is what Arnold Schwarzenegger did. Do you know how many times people told him that he could never be what he wanted? How many times the big shots explained to him why he could never be an actor or a body builder? What about Steve Jobs? He simply believed. Failure was not an option, even when it appeared that he did fail, he kept on. At the time, some might have thought he was… ..completely out of touch with reality. Well, he was, at the time. But he built his own reality. He did not accept the reality at hand. There was a copious amount of people at one point or another who thought he was out of his mind. He was booted off of his own island! So to speak. Look at how inconceivably successful he is now.
So that is my point. Go after what you want. Allow yourself to dream up whatever it is that will make you truly happy. Do not accept the reality at hand because if you do, that reality will never change. Do this in your relationships as well. Dream up the perfect person. The perfect relationship. And find peace in knowing that it is on its way to you. Because the moment you find peace, is the moment you allow your dreams to come to you. I know that this is true for me.
The very moment that I decided to be content, truly content with being single, is the moment that I was bombarded with love and affection like never before. It was like an avalanche of adoration was falling on me. I enjoyed it, but I was also content without it. My life was no longer hanging in the balance. I was no longer wondering if the person sitting across from me would someday be my husband. I wasn’t even thinking about tomorrow. I was just enjoying the moment and being content in it. I believe this to be true. Know what you want, but also be content with life just as it is. Don’t settle for less, just know that your perfect person will find you, and they will.
October 9, 2010
Do you have what it takes?
And so the question continues to be…do we have “the stuff” to make it work? There have been countless theories which have been developed in order to help us answer this question. Many tactics implemented…. but there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to this riddle. No strategy that is proven to work. The honeymoon phase typically lasts about two years. Perhaps more if the affair is in secret. Is this really the case? What is infatuation, anyway? If it is so different from love, why is it that there are times when you never see the end of it? A love relationship can begin with infatuation, what they end with is what we call love, but I have seen old and wrinkled couples who have lived out their whole lives together who even in their dementia, are still infatuated with each other. So what is the line between love and infatuation? Infatuation is textbook and apparently is defined as “foolish or extravagant passion”. What is so foolish about extravagant passion? It sounds like a very beautiful concept to me. It sounds like something that the majority would desire. Let’s look more into what we view as infatuation. I think that when the average person thinks of infatuation, what they see is basically the desire for another person, which translates into their willingness to make the other happy, almost at any and all cost. By making the other happy, you ensure that they will stick around, right? The unfortunate part is this: We are all different. We all have different needs, different understanding on how to meet the needs of others and it is very difficult for a person to truly know how to make another person happy. So when the willingness is there, but the “know how” is not, it is no wonder that things fall apart. The difference is, love is a commitment. Love is devotion. Love is finding a way to make it work. Where there is a will, there is a way, that is why love conquers all.
I do believe in deal breakers, because we all have different needs and deal breakers define our required needs. To read a more detailed explanation of emotional needs I would recommend this site
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html
When a person falls in love, they will not be the same. You will do things you never thought you would do. You will say things that you never thought you would say. You will feel as you have never felt before. But the need for emotional satisfaction remains the same, always. Compromise is good and essential, as long as emotional needs are being met, anything is possible. When emotional needs are met, compromise becomes easy. When emotional needs are not being met, compromise becomes near impossible.
“Marriages are created and destroyed one day at a time”
-My mom
I really believe this to be true. It’s not one thing. It’s the sum of cumulative actions or lack of, which ultimately determine the outcome. Like the love bank. Deposits afford you withdraws. Over time, if deposits do not significantly outweigh withdraws, You will fall into a negative or low balance and it is very difficult to recover at that point.
I have wondered in the past, if it was necessary to settle. I was always told that I would never find the perfect man. I think this is a common belief. I suppose I agreed to some degree. Am I crazy to think that Mr. Right is actually out there? All I can say is that, I never settled, and today I am engaged, not only to Mr. Right, but to Mr. Perfectly Right. Mr. everything on my list. If I had ever settled, I would not be as happy as I am today. I always believed, without a doubt, that there was a man out there who wanted a woman exactly like me. Someone I could see eye to eye with and someone I wanted just as much as he wanted me.
I have become even more curious than ever before, as to what it is that makes or breaks marriages. So I asked a friend her what wrong with hers. Her voice broke a little as she said “People change.” I could not accept this as an answer as there must be more to the story than that. So I prodded…”What was it that happened? What was it like in the beginning?”
She lit up as she said “The beginning was wonderful, but life happened. Things happened and he held against me all these petty things and eventually it just fell apart. The intimacy disappeared and after all the things that had been said and done you look around and your just like….. where do we go from here?”
Meeting emotional needs is essential. The positive effects from this are immeasurable. But now, we have discovered another piece of the puzzle. Forgiveness. I am sure that if you truly learn to satisfy the needs of the other, this makes forgiveness abundantly easier. But still, a conscious decision must be made to forgive and forget. The offender can do his part all day long and if you cannot forgive, all will be lost. This is something you must know when you enter into a lifelong commitment. Both partners can choose to do their very best in every way to make the other person happy and to not hurt their feelings. Most likely, there will be times when it happens. Feelings will be hurt, and you must know that you will have to forgive, or ultimately forfeit the relationship.
For more information on living in a way that will make both partners happy, I strongly recommend this page:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html
I do not think that people actually change in a relationship. Perhaps sometimes this is true, but what I really believe is that your actions toward your partner will either enable or hinder positive responses from them. The love bank is key. Keeping your partner emotionally satisfied will get you through the times when withdrawals are made and will facilitate forgiveness.
For every door that closes, an even better one opens
There are so many things we learn in life that are important lessons. However, there is one thing in particular that perhaps not everyone gets the memo on, and I think this is an especially valuable piece of the puzzle in our lives. I have recently come to fully realize this and it has been a very inspiring concept for me.
For the most part, we are all very goal oriented. This is natural, to want bigger and better things. To fight, conquer and have a sense of accomplishment when its all said and done. When things don’t quite go the way we planned, we feel like complete failures. Our dreams have been crushed into bits. As though we have missed out on something wonderful and now it has been lost into a black hole of guilt and regret. All we can do is mourn our loss and replay it in our heads over and over, wondering what we could have done differently. How can we move on? When the perfect opportunity for us to be happy has just been cast into oblivion? This is how it feels… and its easy to feel that way. It is natural to grieve over a loss, or a perceived loss. But wait a minute, lets think about this. I know that in my life I have seen that all the hardships I have been through have led to this very point in time, where I am more ready to receive than ever before. Where I am expecting greater things than ever before. Where I am wise enough to sustain those wonderful things that will come to me. I could never have even known such great things existed, if everything in my life, or even some things, had gone as I desired for them to go. My life would not have been anywhere near as incredible as it is going to be. I think someone had an even greater plan than me, and what do you know, It was multitudes better. There was a time that I grieved over loss, in a way that I would never wish on anyone. I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life, I felt the pain in the very core of my being. I could have never fathomed in that moment of torture, that this was a true blessing, but it was. How can you fully understand, fully actualize a good thing, if you never knew bad? We fight all our lives to have things like, love and riches. When we finally get there, after the sweat and blood of our bodies that went into it. After failing time and time again, we look back at how our lives used to be, and we appreciate what we have that much more. People born millionaires are miserable, they feel no sense of purpose, they try to fill their lives with things to hide the pain and misery they feel. People given too much all their lives take it for granted. Whether it be material or even emotional, verbal, whatever… They don’t always value it the same. I don’t know why it works that way, but it does. ( I cannot say it is always like this, but that is the exception, not the rule.) We work for that which we value, We value that which we have worked for. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that when one door closes, another one is opening, and if you can’t shut a door that need to be shut, you can’t move on to what greatness is waiting for you. I apply this to my relationships. I know what I want, and I am not willing to settle. I believe in finding what I want. I know I will. I will not accept another way, I know it is coming to me. So whenever I break up with someone, I am actually happy and excited to see what is coming my way. Because I know the next one will be better. It does not mean I don’t love, it doesn’t mean I am shallow. I realize that some things are out of my control and there is a good reason for that. It is exciting to know that you are allowing good things into your life and that endless possibilities are open to you. And with every bad thing you let go of, you allow a better thing in. This is quite a realization. This will change your life. People think it’s weird how I can one day be in love, the next day break up and I’m excited about the future. I have feelings, and I am in touch with them, that is why I don’t like to dwell on things that make me feel bad. I have faith. Not because believing in something gives me hope, but because I have seen the results of it. We are not always ready to have everything right away, but life prepares us, and eventually it comes. At least, I can say that about my life. I can see how I needed all of my experiences to prepare me for today.
In carrying these beliefs, a marvelous thing has happened… I have learned to move on in life without fear. I am not afraid to lose. I am not afraid of losing because I don’t believe I actually lose anything. Things are simply replaced with better things. This is astonishing! I might want a certain thing, I might try to make it happen, but I am not afraid if it doesn’t work out, either. Because I believe if it doesn’t work out, it must be for the better. There must be something even better headed my way. This has been the trend, at least. I would not test fate or try to sabotage any aspect of my life. I would not run and try to open the next door simply to see what is there. I let things happen naturally, I am true to myself and I do what feels right. I think that if everyone believed that everything happens for a reason and if everyone believed that for every door that closes, an even better one opens, people would lead much, much happier lives. I have a friend that I try to convince of this. She is so unhappy sometimes, and I see no need for her to be unhappy. I tell her to stop thinking about the past and move onto the future, because that is what you have to look forward to and it is inevitably amazing. She doesn’t understand my point. I don’t think she believes it, and so she remains stuck in the same place, never moving forward. Or moving forward at a snail’s pace, wasting precious time and life and opportunity as she wallows in sadness. We cannot change our past, but we can change our future. Believe it, and it will be true for you. There are many facets to this subject. Too much to cover here. I am just going to say, have some faith, and see where it takes you. Even if it takes you nowhere, wherever you are, at least you will be happy. Is there anything more important than that?
August 8, 2010
I refuse
This battle never ends, This game of love and pain
I know for what I fight, I know what I will gain
But getting there is all but simple
….broken hearts along the way
So many who have wished, they never knew my name
I do not wish them pain
But I will not tell a lie
I will not lead them on
I will not waste their time
& when I set them free
I know joy is theirs to find
For the right one, I am a blessing
Worth waiting all ones life
In the wrong hands a curse
Which causes so much strife
That is true for all…
For love you cannot settle
Love is not “ok”
Love is such desire
You won’t accept another way.
You say I’m mean, but I’m honest with you.
You want the lie, or you want the truth?
The lie is cruel
It is so wrong, yet many do.
The weak will lie
…but I refuse….
Call it a curse
Call it what you want…
…but I know….
For the truth, I’m blessed
When I am saved from the liars
Who try to take my best
Without even thinking….
….of the rest
August 5, 2010
What happiness awaits…
And when its good, it feels so good….and when its bad, it feels so bad.
I realized it, in a moments time, and I wished I had continued on my merry way, without noticing at all.
Outside I was tranquil, but inside…a storm was building.
I Looked at the large, square cuts of glass which fit so nicely in their little nooks in this table before me.
I thought about how nice it would be to pick them up, just to throw them down and watch them shatter across the cold marble floor.
Millions of pieces of glass, cascading across the tile in a sort of dance, seen by none but me. Imagine a recording of this event. Turn off the sound, slow it down and just watch it. A touch of classical music would do the trick. Now you have a picture, that is actually quite relaxing. Especially if you are the one who has just created it.
As tranquil as watching snowflakes fall from the sky to the ground, but with the added element of passion.
Can you relate? If you have ever been in love, I am sure you can. If you have really loved, that is. Anger and love are two sides of the same coin. If you cannot allow yourself to experience great anger, then you will never know great love. The ones whom you love like no other, will be the same ones that will cause you to be enraged with anger like never before. But if you repress your emotions and cannot allow your emotions to flow naturally, as they are meant to, you will never experience great emotion, like great love. Anger is necessary to experience great love and so it is with many other emotions. We are taught in this society to repress our emotions, and so many of us think that we simply don’t have them. You hear people say “I am not an emotional person” Every person is born full of emotion. But they grow to think they have none because they have repressed their emotion for as long as they can remember, and once they realize how much is bottled up inside, they are actually afraid of what would happen if they released it. Repression is not being true to yourself and leads to depression and sadness. I can sense when someone is not being true to themselves and I am sure others sense it too. Be true to yourself and allow yourself to experience the emotions that come naturally to you. Allow yourself to be expressive and a whole new world will open up to you.
I suppose that I let my emotions get the best of me a lot of the time. I feel as though I am perhaps held captive, by my emotions. They can cloud the mind. They can make you think so much differently than you would, if not for their presence. At times this is good, and at times, I wish I could be free of them. It is not always pleasant. It is in fact feels like torment, at times. In a way, it would be nice to be free of emotion forever, but what an empty life that would be. and what would you be willing to give to another, any other, if u had no emotion toward them? the answer is, not much. So, we realize that we must, indeed, take a leap for the greater good, and to reach our own ultimate satisfaction. Eventually, we find a safe place, and our sappy emotions will benefit us. Because we are capable of so much more, when our hearts are in it. Until then, love is a roller coaster, and I don’t want to ride, but I cannot deprive myself of the happiness that awaits me at the end of this journey.
The goof's guide to relationships 